By Victoria aka ‘Salt’ Nickisson, life coach and Neuro-Linguistic Practitioner.
How many times have we heard the counsel: just let go…Whether it be in a normal friend to friend setting where you have been struggling with a relationship you need to let go of or in a religious setting where we hear “Let go and Let God!”
My question to you is: Do you actually know that psychology and the true meaning of letting go and what this counsel is asking of you? What do you think you’re actually letting go of? What do you need to do to let go?
Well, yes it is true that we need to let go of the ‘thing’ we are wanting, but it is in the ‘wanting’ that we create our suffering. In my experience of Life Coaching and NLP I come across this issue in almost every case. All of our suffering and emotional pain can be traced back to our ego (I will write an article on ego soon and link it here). Our ego can be a great source of power, or if not managed well it can be the cause of many of our challenges.
So when we think of letting go, we know that we must let go of the “thing” we want. But the truth of letting go and the power of the counsel lies in letting go of our NEED for the thing, person or achievement.
It’s a very powerful piece of counsel, but often what happens is that we go into pain, depression, despondency or a state of giving up. If we even manage to let go of the thing we want what mostly happens is we go find something else to replace it with. We replace the dream, the person or the thing with something else, and al we do is create new momentum towards dependency on something else for our state of happiness or fulfilment.
In order to rise above this, you have to LET GO OF YOUR NEED. A lie we learn in life is that we need certain things, people or circumstances in order to be happy, complete or fulfilled. When in fact all we need lies within us. I used to be that way. I thought if I had a good marriage, children and a thriving career I would be happy. Well, I had all of that, even celebrities have so much of what we think we want but they are still not happy. Have you ever asked why?
I personally lost everything I owned including my marriage. The only thing I didn’t lose was my children. And I can tell you that this learning of letting go certainly came at me in full force. I had to learn this through a process of sincere recognition of all that was holding me back and all that was causing me discomfort. What I learned was astounding. Our true happiness and joy comes from inside our own soul. If our soul. But we are not taught to believe that.
Letting go of need is a vital part of finding true happiness and bliss. If we live our lives seeking it from external sources we forever remain dependent on external sources for our life experience. Why do we hand over such power to forces we have no control over? See my video on our external experiences here soon.
We should enter our relationships whole and complete, otherwise, we end up expecting from another something they may not always give. We should pursue our dreams and careers with vigor but with a whole heart, that we do what we do because of sincere passion and not because we need it to make us be in a desired state. If we do it to feel better it adds an element of inauthentic effort which will taint your experience and grey it with an emotion of fear.
Our need for validation of our self-worth through people, things or achievements leaves us vulnerable and exposed. We can never live life joyfully and in peace, if we NEED these things.
Perhaps you are saying now that you don’t need those things to be happy. Well, let me pose this question to you: What if all of what you have is taken away? Would you be able to live without it? What then? What about those things that if you don’t have you get miserable. What if your child takes your phone and hides it? What if someone crashes your car? What if you partner chooses to leave you? What if you don’t get that promotion? Or client?
Letting go…a powerful process of self-awareness and gaining power over your life and releasing you from the bondage of want.
I am a life coach and neuro-linguistic practitioner, internationally accredited. My life’s work is to help you live your best life. Email me for an appointment victoria@milleniapublishing.co.za
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